The Straw War - Are Paper Straws Better?
The Last Straw – Environmental or Cultural War?
The hysteria surrounding plastic straws is bordering on absurd. Our children demand their environmental ponderings are taken seriously while eating chocolate for breakfast and begging for an extra hour each day to play Fortnite. They tell us it’s only a matter of days before the planet explodes and we all perish. Plastivists and teens everywhere are hash-tagging their virtue signalling hearts out. Every tweet and post is #muteplasticstraws, #youaintnostrawbruv, #strawsfundinghate, and the very divisive, #swarthystrawsmatter. Ahem!
Plastivists would have us believe that if we all stopped using plastic straws the oceans would be saved, seals would clap, Lena Dunham would rejoice, and Sebastian the crab would become so excited he'd forget himself and become overly familiar with a rather fetching langoustine. All teasing aside, plastic pollution and its impact on our oceans is a real issue. The problem is when you take a close look at the details, you're left feeling the eco frenzy surrounding plastic straws is more cultural war than environmental.
There's no denying that just over 8.8 million metric tons of plastic finds its way into our oceans each year. That being said the fact is if every single plastic straw in the Western Hemisphere ended up in the ocean, they would only account for around 0.03% of the plastics found in our waters annually. If I told you that both UK and American statistics, policies, and laws on banning plastic straws were shaped around the ruminations of a 9-year-old would that give you pause for thought? In 2011, Milo Cress aged 9, was the one to tell Americans they use 500 million straws every day. Respected news outlets such as the BBC, CNN, ABC, and the National Geographic still cite the figure as fact in 2019. They do this while running poignant footage of natives somewhere in the third world wading through straw-filled rivers, always failing to mention the stat is not only unscientific but debunked. No mention that those very same Third World countries are the worst offenders when it comes to marine plastic pollution. No mention that Vietnam, Indonesia, Thailand, China, and the Philippines alone are accountable for more than 60% of the plastics and detritus found in our waterways and oceans. UK and U.S. media aren’t quick to point out that the bulk of our municipal muck is either torched, buried or recycled. Why do that when shots of congested whales and sea turtles are so much more emotive. Since Milo’s study, some adults who have been more rigorous in their application have done studies of their own. It’s thought the number of straws used in the US is around 170-175 million per day. Yes, it’s 170-175 straws to many. Nevertheless, it is a sharp contrast to 500 million.
Governments have been quick to introduce laws limiting or banning the use of plastic straws across the UK, European Union, and America. In the UK JD Wetherspoon, Wagamama, Starbucks, All Bar One, and McDonald's, have all jumped on the bandwagon, lest they be cancelled. Though McDonald's attempt to mollify the green militia backfired royally. Turns out the fast-food giant can’t actually recycle their new paper straws.
The first lot of paper straws Mickey D’s rolled out simply dissolved in folks’ drinks. Yum! To avoid that, their second attempt at eco-friendly straws were made much thicker. This should have been an end to the matter. However, McDonald’s then learned that the UK’s outdated recycling infrastructure was so ineffectual it couldn’t manage recycling thickened paper. Meaning the once recyclable 1.7 million straws McDonald's branches in the UK use on average each day now end up in landfill. It’s no laughing matter, but this is the predicament you find yourself in when you choose to kowtow to extremists, sensationalists, ideologues, and children without gathering all the facts.
On the face of it, society is becoming so censorious any opposition to left, green or liberal political, environmental and social ideologies is off-limits. Somewhere along the way, we lost sight of the fact that banning and censoring is not only a threat to democracy, it doesn’t actually resolve anything. Challenges are solved through intellectual discussion and debate. In a landscape where words alone are being compared to acts of physical violence. Is it ok to ask ‘Plastivists’ if they’ve given any thought to disabled people, those with chronic illnesses, and how a ban on plastic straws affects them? If it were pointed out that while well-intentioned they were being more than a little ableist, how would they react?
The disabled need plastic straws. Metal straws won’t do if you have a biting issue, and bamboo doesn’t bend. If you suffer spasms or fits glass straws could be deadly, and paper straws no matter the thickness don’t do so well in hot liquids. Disabled people need flexible straws that can be bent to any angle and come in every size imaginable depending on their needs. To date, plastic is the only substance that covers that need. For the disabled plastic straws are not a lifestyle choice, they’re an accessibility tool. Should the disabled be made to feel bad about having to put their care above the environments? After causing an uproar in the disabled community the UK ban has been amended. Pubs and restaurants will now be allowed to stock some plastic straws to meet medical need.
To be blunt, plastics straws play a very minor part in global plastic pollution. Which doesn’t mean we shouldn’t combat it. Just that we shouldn’t be forced like McDonald's to use short-sighted and short-term approaches when it comes to the environment. We need to recognise there are far worse culprits damaging our oceans and marine life than plastic straws. We should also be able to say such things without being sent to Coventry. In reality, going strawless will have almost no effect on our oceans and will have little to no impact on the health of our marine life. In the Disney version, a ban on plastic straws solves all our environmental problems, and Sebastian and his langoustine live happily ever after.
Words by George~Carter Cunningham
