Divorce! When is a Marriage Most at Risk?
Divorce! When is a Marriage Most at Risk?
"Divorce isn't such a tragedy. A tragedy's staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce”. Jennifer Weiner, Fly Away Home
From Whitsun to April Fool’s, there's many a special day celebrated in the UK. We toss ourselves a pancake or two on Shrove Tuesday and sup Guinness by the boatload when remembering St Patrick, but what the devil were we all doing on Divorce Day? The research is in and for better or worse it suggests that not only is ‘Divorce Month’ a thing, a singular ‘Divorce Day’ has been identified. January 6th sees the number of enquiries and filings made almost double, but why? According to the experts, the pressure builds during December. Attempting to create a magical wonderland and several types of potato for your partner, children and extended family while finding the finances to clear out Amazon are all factors.
Though the festive season is a flashpoint for some, it’s not when a marriage is most at risk. To a greater or lesser extent, almost anything can lead to divorce. Loss of identity, employment status, parental interference, infidelity, mental health and finances are some of the most common reasons for divorce. It may come as a surprise to those who’ve not been wed to know a marriage is most at risk during its first year or two. All guns are blazing in the run-up to the big day, but when it’s all over you get the wedding blues. You’re just beginning to understand the complexities of combining your finances, you’re navigating two career paths, you fall into a routine and begin to feel the brass tacks of married life. The first year or two is also when men are most likely to cheat. It seems women are closing the gap when it comes to cheating, but few do it in the first 2 years.
Years 3 to 4 see the risk of divorce drop somewhat. That may be because the pitter-patter of tiny feet and the migraine-inducing caterwauling of tiny mouths leaves you little time to remember you’ve begun to dislike each other. We often hear how difficult maintaining a marriage post-baby is, but there’s evidence that shows our little polluters, for a time at least, increase relationship stability. I’m afraid we’re not in the clear yet, as years 5 to 8 will once again find a marriage under significant threat. We’ve all heard of the seven-year itch. In reality, it’s more of a five, six, seven, and eight-year itch. However, you're not to blame. Evidently the blame is to be laid at the foot of evolution. As our little polluters grow and the risk of infant mortality decreases, biology kicks in and informs us our jobs are done. It tells us now might be an appropriate time to trot around in Eysom activewear, climb things, learn a second language, take up oil painting, and jog on.
Years 9 to 15. If your marriage sees its 10th anniversary you can breathe a small sigh of smug relief. Those in the know say this is when you begin to appreciate each other, you’ve become more practical, more tolerant. You’ve built a pot of money, you’re in stable careers, and the kids have become well rounded if perennially offended teenagers. You’ve done a decent job, and a mutual respect has been built. For a minute you think you’ve cracked it, but then something called ‘Grey Divorce’ rears its salt and pepper head. 'Grey Divorce' pertains to the trend of couples over 50 calling it quits during years 16 to 20 of a marriage. They're also known as Silver Splitters or Diamond Divorcees. Over the past 40 years, the divorce rate has quadrupled for those aged 54 to 65 and its women leading the charge. It’s also when women are most likely to cheat. People are living longer, they're sociable, active, and still attractive. They're no longer willing to live the rest of their lives maintaining loveless marriages for appearances at the expense of their own happiness.
No matter the day, month, or year, there’s never an appropriate time to divorce. Cold are the empty homes that were once filled with children, laughter and dreams of the future. The betrayal of someone you once adored no longer seeing you as a person but a resource. The disbelief felt when someone you thought you knew wants half of what you’ve earned in your lifetime and stakes a claim on half of what you may earn in the future. The loss of a best friend, a lover, a teammate, are things that leave an indelible mark. In contrast, divorce for some can be liberating. A weight has been lifted, the silence is golden, and for the first time in a long time, they can be a little selfish and please no one but themselves.
Words by George~Carter Cunningham